This networking and online researching engulfed every morning for months (I now know, this is called hyperįocusing- ha!), until I finally arrived at the first step of my new plan. Youngest sister had been diagnosed and medicated for ADHD a few years prior, we hadn't discussed it until I called her up to talk about what I ![]() Shortly after talking to her, I also learned my It promptedĬountless hours of research on the taboo subject of ADHD. Were so similar to mine into a long period of consideration. With theįear of being seduced into hysteria, I decided to take her realizations, that I was open to really listening to her, and then listening to myself. Everything she was saying about needing change in her life, and how she felt like a race car on ice with no traction, really hit home with me. She was trustworthy, had a few more years of life under her belt, was not obsessed with western medicine, and like family to me. We are absolutely wired theĮxact same way, and had bonded over our approach to life as we knew it for many I knew i wanted to do things differently, but I had no clue as to how I could make that happen.Īwoken to several “a-ha!” realizations while talking with a close friend who hadīeen recently diagnosed and medicated for ADHD. These thoughts had been looming for many years, but the anxiety and depression from lack of (desired)accomplishments had debilitated me from beginning to move forward in new ways. How am I operating on a day to day level and for the big picture? Why am I approaching tasks in that way? How have I arrived at these methods? Are they effective? Am I progressing in all the ways I desire to? After articulating those answers to myself, I decided that I truly needed and wanted aĬompletely different plan. I made a conscious decision to reevaluate my brain’s control center. Once I became aware and accepted it, I was eager to start to deal with it. They added to my soup of self doubt, anxiety, and complacency. I had taken several jobs and opportunities that didn't work out in my first two years in Austin, and those were still eating at me. My peaceful country environment cleared my chaotic brain for me. Everything was slower, beautiful, and dreamy. After several jobs, a few apartments, new friends, and then the purchase of our home in the country outside of town, my life finally began to mellow and settle. My "power button" was getting maxed out, misplaced, and ultimately failing me. This cycle was fierce and taking power over my life, more strongly than it ever had. I wasn't lazy, scared, or unmotivated- no matter how much I might place the blame on lack of money, lack of time, and lack of preparation. I was full of incredible ideas and visions, that i wanted to do, but couldn't understand why I wasn't able to. It was an exhaustion of worry, disguised as not having the gumption, commitment, or desire. Instead of committing to the one element of a plan, I was overwhelmed with the 30 things around it, and the 30 other things i wouldn't do if i began that one. I was not in a shortage of ideas, dreams, or motivation. The next hour or day I could wake up feeling completely different. I would feel exhausted and disappointed in myself and just want to lay in bed. Background music while driving or trying to concentrate on something. Sensory interruptions plagued me (ie: an overwhelming smell in a restaurant while i was try to talk to my dinner mate. ![]() I was constantly having circular conversations and arguments with my boyfriend because I couldn't articulate or focus on my point or thoughts productively, and would endlessly try and "explain myself". If someone needed my attention elsewhere while i was trying to focus on something, I would snap from feeling overwhelmed. If i was interrupted, or asked to repeat or explain my intentions, I felt like my head would explode. ![]() I would become irritable or emotional during transitions between tasks. I was constantly forgetful, distracted, and painfully struggled to start or finish tasks (fun/important or not). I had a very limited attention span for anything. I was struggling with attention to detail in every area of my life. While settling into my new world, I began to hit numerous roadblocks that were familiar, very predictable, and very frustrating.
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